Who doesn’t love a Vogue “Beauty Secrets” video full of useful tips and juicy revelations? The skin-care techniques, the makeup tricks, the completely incomprehensible bathroom layouts. But Ariana Grande‘s new 12-minute clip isn’t nearly as juicy as it is salty — as in tears.

Like so many of these deep dives into celebrity routines, Grande’s starts off with skin-care and moves on to makeup. You may be surprised to find out that the singer and entrepreneur isn’t using only her own products from R.E.M. Beauty — she uses products from Danessa Myricks, Bobbi Brown, Dior, and more — but you may be even more surprised to hear what Grande has to say about her evolving feelings about makeup.

“I feel like my relationship to beauty has changed so much over the years, especially because I started so young,” she says, explaining that it can be very confusing to hear what people have to say about your appearance when you’re just a teenager and don’t know what you should and shouldn’t take to heart. 

“I, over the years, used makeup as a disguise or as something to hide behind. More and more and more hair, more and more thicker — the eyeliner — and that can be so beautiful at times, and I still do have love for it,” she continues, “but I think as I get older, I don’t love that being the intention behind it anymore. I think of it as self-expression now and accentuating what is here. Our relationships to beauty are so personal.”

And that’s when Grande gets even more personal — and emotional.

“Full transparency, as a beauty person… I’ve had a ton of lip filler over the years and Botox. I stopped in 2018. I just felt so — too much. I just felt like hiding, you know? Didn’t expect to get emotional,” she says, giggling as tears visibly well up. “For a long time, beauty was about hiding for me. And now I feel like maybe it’s not.”

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